Isn’t it amazing how sometimes God can impress something on your heart, and then things start happening in your life to reinforce that this impression is from God?
The past several weeks have been very emotional for me. A tidal wave of events, that are much too personal to express publicly, hit me all at once… and they hit me hard. I felt like I was tumbling in the water, trying to stabilize myself, and I was struggling to swim to the surface just to breath.
But then it happened. I came to the surface and I could breath again. I could taste the sweet air and feel my heart pounding in my chest as it expanded and contracted. I could see everything differently, like when a light is suddenly turned on in a dark room. When I was able to regain my footing, and look around to see where I was, I was still right here. Still right here in the middle of my life. But now everything, and everyone, looked suddenly different to me.
So what was different? God revealed the things that have been robbing me of peace and joy for the past 52 years of my life. Praise you Jesus. God helped me understand just how much that I have been making everything all about me over the years. He also made me aware of the fact that I have an unintentional tendency to hurt those closest to me with my words and actions. Praise you Jesus. God helped me realize that other people are hurting too, and the best way to address your hurting heart is to help someone else address theirs. Praise you Jesus. God helped me realize that we have all been put on this earth to humbly accept God’s daily will for our lives. That we should all stop trying so hard to convince the world that we matter. The world will never be satisfied with us, so this is like chasing the wind. Praise you Jesus. God helped me realize that the best course in life is to take steps to draw closer to God, to feel His warmth. To have a constant awareness of God’s presence, like Brother Lawrence experienced and attempted to describe in the little book, The Practice of the Presence of God. Praise you Jesus.
I’m still a little wet from this tidal wave of grace that hit me and rocked me the past few weeks and it is still early days. I need to live into this new awareness a little bit longer before I can say anything else useful about this new awakening. As I was trying to think of a simple way to describe my newfound purpose and self-awareness, I happened to listen to a song entitled Locked In, by the Christian poet and rapper Propaganda on my way into work.
Locked in… Yes, that’s what I desire Lord. I want to be locked in to a constant awareness of you. I want to be so into you that I can hear your voice clearly so that I can do your will, minute by minute. I want to be so totally locked in by the Holy Spirit that I experience your presence and purpose at all times like Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection. Whether you are leading a country, or washing dirty dishes in a monastery, it all can be done with, and for, you Jesus. Amen.