The past few years for me have been difficult to say the least. I have been tormented by what my call in life is and what I should be accomplishing. I have always been one of those people who couldn’t seem to sit still. I was always involved in everything, played every sport, sang in choir, senior class president, entrepeneur and on and on…. Yet, I have found that none of that has ever really filled me. I could never quite figure out what I was really meant to do with my life.
One thing is for sure – I knew that I was meant to do something great to help change someones life. Almost three years ago, after facing much darkness, I believe that God spoke deeply to my heart. I felt an incredible passion for women and all of the challenges that we face. I realized that, like me, many of you wake up, look in the mirror and wonder who you are. I have done that so many times its frightening.
Who am I? Where did I go? What are my passions? What is my purpose? These are all questions that I have found myself trying to answer for years. Im still searching for many of the answers but this is what I have realized.
Somehow many of us lose ourselves in our marriages, our children, and even in our careers until we wake up one morning and we no longer even know who we are. Cute outfits, perfect make up, and daily showers somehow turn to sweats, no make up, and many of us would pay good money to actually take a shower ALONE every day! Our purpose has gone from being “successful” in societies eyes to wiping snotty noses, kissing boo boos, and doing laundry. For some, this role is everything they ever wanted and for others, like me, we want it all and we believe that we can have it.
I have never really thought of myself as the “perfect” mother. My sister in law is the perfect mother. She adores her children, always has time to do crafts, looks as good now as she did when she was 20, takes the kids to do lots of activities, has new pictures every week – but me, I’m lucky to remember all of the kids let alone remembering to bring a camera;)
I find myself getting frustrated when women tell me that my purpose is to raise my children. I understand that but I also feel like I am capable of doing so much more.I have always believed that you can be a successful career woman and mother. Yes, you do sacrifice some things; however, reality is that there are just some women who were never meant to wrap their identity in snotty noses, diapers, and laundry. That doesnt mean we love our children any less but, just maybe, we are better women because of the work we do outside of the home.
So, here I sit wondering what my purpose is. Trying to patiently wait for God to show me. I have my good days and bad days. Today is a harder day than most….Patience was never one of my strong points. I believe that I was meant to help people – I want my purpose to be that of changing peoples lives; of leaving my mark on someone’s heart. We were not put here on this earth for ourselves, but for others… Our identity should be found in Christ and the work he has planned for us to do. For me, I know that I am meant to be a great mother, friend, wife, AND I am meant to serve God. I must just wait until He sees fit to show me.
The next time we look in the mirror – we shouldn’t wonder where we went or who we are; rather we should ask ourselves, “What good do I add to those around me?” and let that be your identity! Much love to all of you – Jen
Manna and Coffee 